The "Only in India" file

Kovalam beach and alcohol - You can go to certain licensed restaurants and be served alcoholic drinks but there aren’t many of those. But then you can go pretty much anywhere else and be served alcoholic drinks too. The only difference is that at the unlicensed places the drinks are much cheaper but there are a few extra “rules”. Little things like, if you want a bottle of beer it will be served to you poured into a brown coffee mug and the bottle must be hidden out of sight down by the table leg….Only in India !

The umbrella guy - So today started with hiring a rusty beach umbrella for 50 Rupees, that’s about NZ$1.50. Funny thing is that as the day went on umbrella man decided that I should pay 50 rupees extra as he decided I was a rich man.  I assured him I wasn’t and he got quite grumpy with me as the day went on. It was bad enough that I hadn’t hired a lounger as well….Only in India !

The Safe - So I asked if they had a safety deposit box behind reception at the hotel at Kovalam beach and was told the boy would bring one to the room, which I found to be an interesting response in itself. About three seconds later (garnering a good tip are all about speed apparently, not service !) the boy brings a safe to my room. It’s this steel box with a key, which is all very well but when I asked where they bolt it down to he just starts suggesting various places I maybe 8kg and most certainly designed by the local burglar’s fraternity as it ensures that when the bad guy comes calling he can take all your valuables in one ready made, easy to break in to steel box….Only in India !

Along the lines of the umbrella incident - Relatively uneventful sore-arse drive across to Tiruvannamalai where I was welcomed with flowers around my neck and a coconut drink before being hit with a @%&$#% bill ! I hit the @%&$#% roof !!!! They chose the wrong tired guy on the wrong @%&$#%-@%&$#% day to try and charge more for my stay didn't they ??? I had got a really good deal for my stay here via Hotels.com and it was clearly way to good a deal for them so they decided to have a go at charging me a more suitable rate. They had me sitting there while they @%&$#% around with a calculator working out what, in their view, I should pay. Then the manager of the complex was called to deal with it but he was very scared of me, tried holding my hand (I think so I wouldn't bash him with it !) I could see they had worked this out prior to my arrival and had hoped that I would just say "Oh OK, sure, no problem, here's my credit card" like some dumb-@%&$# @%&$#% idiot... @%&$# !!! They certainly weren't expecting me to give the response I did and backed right off. I walked out and went to my room and waited a couple of hours before going back down with my laptop to do some things, at which time they were trying to pretend none of this had ever happened (Those of you who have been to India know exactly what I’m talking about don’t you ? Bit like some sort of Bali thing) Please note: this story has been censored for obvious reasons but thought I might still show you what is required here sometimes in order to get things done. Seems sometimes a strong expression is required and nothing else will do. So anyway, I have been sitting here using free internet for ages because they are too scared to charge me I think "complimentary, for the misunderstanding Mr Graham" Misunderstanding my @%&# Funny thing is (and perhaps this you can imagine also) that they have worked out that all I need to do is sign a letter to head office telling that I refuse to pay, then everything will be OK. We'll see about that now won't we ? @%&$#% !!!….Only in @%&$#% India !

Thiruvananthapuram

Thiruvananthapuram, othewise and more commonly known as, Trivandrum. (Maybe more commonly known as Trivandrum because no one can actually say Thiruvananthapuram.

After leaving the massive open air toilet that was Kanyakumari, arriving back in a big city means major air pollution. Now I’ve been to New York and Tokyo, both of which have heavily polluted air but let me tell you, this is thick, blue/black air that hits the back of your throat like nothing else. On returning to your hotel room after an hour or two outside in it, you blow your nose and it’s all black and sooty. The throat gets dry and sore and you tend to breathe in a very shallow way because you just don’t want to breathe that muck in deeply. The shallow breathing has it’s own downside and overall makes you wonder what it must do to the people that have to live in it all the time.

By the way, as soon as I left kanyakumari my nose stopped running, which is interesting. Piss and shit ? Chlorine ? Who knows ? Now it’s this irritated throat and a sort of throaty cough thing as if I have been breathing in poisonous gases, which is precisely what I have been doing.

So, instead of wandering round what I consider to be just another over-crowded, filthy, dirty, polluted, stinking Indian city for a day, before heading to Tiruvannamalai, grabbed an auto-rickshaw and took off to Kovalam Beach for the day. 30 odd degrees, bright sunshine, fresh coastal air, warm water and great waves. Fresh pineapple sliced up and served on the beach followed at the end of the day with a big plate full of grilled garlic prawns. Another gaseous auto-rickshaw ride back to the hotel the day was a fantastic idea, excellent decision.

Staying these two nights in the Mascot Hotel. It’s a government owned hotel, of which there are quite a few in India apparently, but I’m still not exactly sure what the point of a government owned hotel is. It’s certainly not any cheaper, in fact the food in particular is relatively expensive. You might expect the staff in a government owned hotel to be a bit useless but then that’s no different to a privately owned hotel. Will have to make some more enquiries about that. Interesting that in India the great desire of most parents, who have the wherewithal, is to get their children as good an education as possible and get a government job, pretty much set for life apparently.

This is the view from my window at the Mascot Hotel

 

Just out for a walk up the street with her umbrella, in the driving lanes, back to the traffic !

 

The buses are great big chunky blocks of steel

 

If buses could be prisons, this is what they would look like

 

Not sure which is safer, umbrella woman or the family on the motorbike.

So many families have only a motorbike for transportation, if they are fortunate.

 

 Back to Kovalam Beach for the day

Did I mention that when you hire a lounger and an umbrella for the day you get a dog ? 

There are all these really cool, very healthy "beach dogs" that grab the shade for the day.

My fruit lady. Cuts up pineapple, mango papaya etc and serves it up right on the beach

And sunset before prawns

 

Then it was out to the airport the next day and off to Bangalore. Flight was fine and easy, got a taxi from the airport, paid a bit more than usual but got an exceptional and safe service, considering where I had to get to. Was about 80kms to my hotel, could have been about 3.5 hours driving right through the city of Bangalore but the driver asked my permission to go a "jumpy-bumpy" way through the villages which would only take two hours. Of course I agreed and it was interesting that within a few hundred metres of going off course his phone was ringing and was his office asking why. Obviously had GPS tracking on the vehicle and that was worth paying for. Got to the wost hotel in the history of the the planet, fortunately only one short night and I was out of there. 

Next morning I was out of that dump in a flash and off on the last leg of the journey toward Tiruvannamali. Had an arranged taxi and what should turn up but an old Morris Oxford-style Ambassador. Never been in one before and was quite excited. The most interesting thing about this one is that it’s actually only two years old from new. A two litre diesel engine and, wait for it, air-conditioning. If last nights “jumpy-bumpy” road wasn’t bad enough well a full 110km of this journey was like driving up the worst part of the Waimakariri River, seriously, a 200km journey that takes four to five hours in a taxi, anything up to nine or ten hours in a bus (and that’s why we take taxis here sometimes) great car, very bad bench seats that are still from the 1950s I suspect.

  Kumar and his Ambassador Taxi when we stopped for chai

 

Family of five on a bike, any higher offers ?

 

I love these sights, not always easy to capture them

 

 

 

Cows with coloured hand-prints all over them

 

And finally, Tiruvannamalai. 

This is the view from my room, with the famous Arunachala Hill in the background

Last Day, Kanyakumari

Yesterday was my last full day in Kanyakumari. Today I take the train a few hours up the track to Trivandrum for two nights before catching a plane to Bangalore then a four to five hour taxi ride to Tiruvannamalai.

Not looking forward to the extra travelling and in retrospect I would have done this bit differently. In NZ if you want to go to say, Kaikoura, you hop in your car or catch a bus and you are there in two hours or so. Here nothing is quite that simple and a 180km trip could take anything up to nine hours, maybe more depending on conditions. Flying to Bangalore is one thing but then it seems it could take several hours to get to my hotel in Bangalore where I stay for just one night. This is where things get complicated. In the west you just assume you will arrive at an airport and within 30, maybe 60 minutes you will be at your hotel. In India you just have to slow down and take whatever comes your way. Just the other day I was talking to a woman who had endured a 17 hour train ride. That’s fine, you know how long these things will take, trouble was that the train was held up for a further 10 hours at the station before leaving and you can’t leave the train. They also didn’t say how long the wait would be or why, you just sit there and wait or go do something else….and that is India !

In spite of the sewer pit that is Kanyakumari I have made the most of my time here. I found a couple of places that were clean and fresh of air. Sunset Point, a bunch of big rocks out on a point about 2km away and probably, literally, the very most Southern Point of India. (Check out the photo) It’s where people go to watch the sunset, interestingly enough, but at all other times there is no one. I took that photo late this afternoon and on the way there people kept telling me that there will be no sunset tonight. It’s cloudy but I so wanted to tell them that really, the sun will still set. The other place is out on a very long breakwater down the other end of the beach and very few people seem to go out there so it’s very clean and the air again is beautifully fresh, a great place to sit and watch the little fishing boats come and go.

I am desperately in need of some good food. I’ve been feeling a little run-down and lacking in my usual energy since arriving in India pretty much, experiencing minor symptoms of a cold but without actually having a cold. For about five days there was a throat thing, not a sore or inflamed throat as such, just a “thing”. Then since arriving in Kanyakumari the nose has been running, not all the time but quite often, off and on. The pranayama has been really useful and since arriving I have been doing it two to three times a day and managing to keep on top of any real cold (touch wood) I remember last time in India, seven years ago, getting a “cold from hell”, they called it the “welcome cold” which was very common at the yoga institute. Really knocked me out for a few days (a lot of whimpy people would call it a flu !) The other thing I was wondering about, with regard to this running nose thing, is that the swimming pool here at the hotel is so heavy with chlorine that I think they add water to the chlorine rather than chlorine to the water. Opening the eyes underwater is asking for trouble, as I found out the first day, and you have to have a shower immediately after as it tends to burn the skin a bit. So I was wondering if the nose thing is a case of chlorine-up-the-nose-irritation but then the alternative to dangerous amounts of chemical additives to swimming pool water is a bit scary in itself.  Maybe it’s a further reaction to the constant stench around this place., something foul is getting right up my nose, so to speak. Either way, the nose is currently running and it will pass.

Anyway, they just don’t seem to have anything much here, food-wise, even in the hotel, very little fruit and not good looking produce at all, minimal vegetables and quite a bit of what they use here seems to be frozen muck. The food in general is mostly fried and quite stodgy Interesting to note that Kovalam Beach is less than 100km away and the food was very different. Kovalam is in Kerala whereas Kanyakumari is in Tamil Nadu. I can’t help but wonder if produce in general doesn’t move very far from its origin. We get used to having all sorts of foods in and out of season in the West. If something’s not readily available it’s flown in from Australia or the Islands or wherever. Those who travel will see NZ produce all over the world, flown in literally overnight from NZ right to those who are prepared to pay. This is India, most people don’t get to eat much at all, let alone have a choice of what they eat. This is all a part of what brings me down to earth and when people ask why I would even come to a place like this, well, this is all a part of the deal, whether I like it or not. You see, it’s not about comfort, if I wanted comfort and pleasure I could have stayed home, or stayed back on the beach in Australia. We have no real idea how easy our life is in NZ sometimes.

The other thing Westerners tend to do, myself included, is make comments like “why don’t they use toilets, you know, Port-a-Loos or something, or even just dig a hole ?” Or we say “why don’t they put their rubbish into rubbish bins ?” “Why do they have to spit all over the place ?” “Why doesn’t their council clean the place up ?” And on it goes, we just don’t get it. We think they just don’t get it and struggle to come to terms with this level of filth but I remind myself constantly that I am a visitor in their country, I don’t have to be here, this is my choice. Way over half of the population of India live way below the poverty line, that’s hundreds of millions of people living like this, who am I to be even thinking they should live up to my expectations of how things should be, how arrogant. I don’t like it, I don’t have to like it but I do need to respect that this is just the way things are, keep hop-scotching around the piles of shit, dry retching and whatever else I need to do, keep looking beyond the physical experience and see it as it really is.

This is Sunset Point, one of my little getaways

 One of a number of free toilets available....deserted ! What are the chances ??

 

These images are typical of the local fishing community, very poor people.

 

Just another crowded day

Could spend all day photographing the people, they absolutely love it, literally queue up

Images that show just how poor some of these people are and how they live

The Paneer Kati Roll Story

Here is how the average conversation goes via phone with the room service people. I order room service because the food seems better, way, way faster and I don't have six guys hovering round my table the whole time.

Paneer Kati Rolls

Press “Room Service” on the phone

R: Chugaluguttymugachartagartugartagunnartyglugga

G: Hello, is that room service ?

R: Yes sir

G: This is room 203

R: Yes sir

G: Can I order room service please ?

R: What is your room number sir ?

G: 203

R: Yes sir

G: Paneer Kati Rolls please

R: You want Panner Kati Rolls sir ?

G: Yes please

R: These are only available after 7.30pm sir

G: It says 24 hours room service

Click !

Press “Room Service” on the phone….again

R: Chugaluguttymugachartagartugartagunnartyglugga

G: Why did you hang up the phone on me ?

R: Your room number sir ?

G: 203, why did you hand up the phone on me ?

R: One moment please sir

Different man comes onto the phone…..

R: Hello sir, can I have your room number please ?

G: I have been through all this with the other man !

R: You want to order room service sir ?

G: OK, can I please have some Paneer Kati Rolls please ?

R: Your room number sir ?

G: 2…..0……3 !

R: Your order sir ?

G: Paneer Kati Rolls

R: You want Paneer Kati Rolls sir ?

G: Yes, Paneer Kati Rolls

R: Sir, Paneer Kati Rolls are only available after 7.30pm

G: 24 HOUR MENU ! 24 HOURS ! Panner kati Rolls, do you not understand ?

R: One moment sir

Long pause

R: Yes sir, Panner kati Rolls. One portion or two ?

G: You get two with the order don’t you ?

R: you want two sir ?

G: Yes please, one serving of two Paneer Kati Rolls.

R: For two people sir ?

G: NO ! Listen ! One order of Paneer Kati Rolls, that’s two rolls on one plate.

R: Room number sir

G: 2….0…3 !!!!

R: Thank you sir

Click

Press “Room Service” on the phone….again

R: Chugaluguttymugachartagartugartagunnartyglugga

G: I HAVEN’T FINISHED ORDERING !!!

R: Room number sir

G: I WAS JUST TALKING TO YOU…..PANEER KATI ROLLS

R: Yes sir

G: I WANT TO ORDER MORE

R: Yes sir, you ordered two Paneer Kati Rolls sir

G: WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN ?

R: Sir ?

G: I ALSO WANT FRENCH FRIES

R: You don’t want Paneer Kati Rolls sir ?

G: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE ? PANEER KATI ROLLS AND FRENCH FRIES, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ????

R: Room 203 sir ?

G: Yes….room….2….0….3….Paneer….Kati…Rolls….and…French…Fries

R: That will be 45 minutes sir

G: No, 15 minutes

R: 15 minutes, yes sir, no problem

Click

The service difficulties at the various places are not simply a language one, that would be easy to negotiate, it’s more of an IQ thing and most of these ones have single digit IQs it would seem. Not all are like this, just most, and again, those who have been to India will be nodding in agreement right now.

 

Southern most tip of India, Kanyakumari (loosely translated as...Piss and Shit and Filth !!!)

Just how many people can you squeeze onto a bus ?? 

Hundreds upon hundreds of buses, all shapes and sizes, come through Kanykumari every day. Buses that are probably meant to take say 40 people seem to have 80 or more.

This is typical of the "go anywhere" toilet mentality. Not a photo I necessarily like to show but this is what it's like here, pretty much everywhere. 

Just have a goat outside your shop, why not ?

Reminds me of an old saying I like "If something gets on your goat, hide your goat"

A little urchin child. I think maybe one year old, just walking along the road on his own. Mother maybe nearby, who knows ? I couldn't see anyone obvious.

The whole place is a toilet so all the more odd when you see signs up saying "Free Toilet". Then there are others where you have to pay. I never seeing anyone using either. 

 

The waterfront, Catholic cathedral in the background (Christianity has a big history down here) All the little fishing boats, very humble, all very run down. This was tsunami country several years back, though there is very little evidence of any damage, but then here that doesn't seem to mean much as the place is just so run down, the people extremely poor.

The usual crowded street. Many of these streets don't seem to have vehicles.

One of the few areas on the waterfront where they don't poop, the place they bathe.

The sugar cane drinks. They squeeze the cane through a machine and just add water. This is definitely not something I would try unless I wanted to get extremely ill.

Ice cream vendors everywhere, again not something I would be game to consume. The Indians seem to love their ice cream and then of course as soon as they are finished the rubbish goes immediately on the ground. I have seen only one rubbish bin here and it was empty, what are the chances ??

I love all these little vendors, the guys with their business on their bikes.

 

So here's a bit of the waterfront and between the road and the water is the most disgusting thing you might ever see. The general rubbish is one thing, the piss and shit is another. A few times I have walked down through some of it to get to a particular part of the beach and found myself dry retching violently. Now I know some of you don't really want to know about this sort of thing but this is life in India to one degree or other.