The Paneer Kati Roll Story

Here is how the average conversation goes via phone with the room service people. I order room service because the food seems better, way, way faster and I don't have six guys hovering round my table the whole time.

Paneer Kati Rolls

Press “Room Service” on the phone

R: Chugaluguttymugachartagartugartagunnartyglugga

G: Hello, is that room service ?

R: Yes sir

G: This is room 203

R: Yes sir

G: Can I order room service please ?

R: What is your room number sir ?

G: 203

R: Yes sir

G: Paneer Kati Rolls please

R: You want Panner Kati Rolls sir ?

G: Yes please

R: These are only available after 7.30pm sir

G: It says 24 hours room service

Click !

Press “Room Service” on the phone….again

R: Chugaluguttymugachartagartugartagunnartyglugga

G: Why did you hang up the phone on me ?

R: Your room number sir ?

G: 203, why did you hand up the phone on me ?

R: One moment please sir

Different man comes onto the phone…..

R: Hello sir, can I have your room number please ?

G: I have been through all this with the other man !

R: You want to order room service sir ?

G: OK, can I please have some Paneer Kati Rolls please ?

R: Your room number sir ?

G: 2…..0……3 !

R: Your order sir ?

G: Paneer Kati Rolls

R: You want Paneer Kati Rolls sir ?

G: Yes, Paneer Kati Rolls

R: Sir, Paneer Kati Rolls are only available after 7.30pm

G: 24 HOUR MENU ! 24 HOURS ! Panner kati Rolls, do you not understand ?

R: One moment sir

Long pause

R: Yes sir, Panner kati Rolls. One portion or two ?

G: You get two with the order don’t you ?

R: you want two sir ?

G: Yes please, one serving of two Paneer Kati Rolls.

R: For two people sir ?

G: NO ! Listen ! One order of Paneer Kati Rolls, that’s two rolls on one plate.

R: Room number sir

G: 2….0…3 !!!!

R: Thank you sir

Click

Press “Room Service” on the phone….again

R: Chugaluguttymugachartagartugartagunnartyglugga

G: I HAVEN’T FINISHED ORDERING !!!

R: Room number sir

G: I WAS JUST TALKING TO YOU…..PANEER KATI ROLLS

R: Yes sir

G: I WANT TO ORDER MORE

R: Yes sir, you ordered two Paneer Kati Rolls sir

G: WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN ?

R: Sir ?

G: I ALSO WANT FRENCH FRIES

R: You don’t want Paneer Kati Rolls sir ?

G: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE ? PANEER KATI ROLLS AND FRENCH FRIES, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ????

R: Room 203 sir ?

G: Yes….room….2….0….3….Paneer….Kati…Rolls….and…French…Fries

R: That will be 45 minutes sir

G: No, 15 minutes

R: 15 minutes, yes sir, no problem

Click

The service difficulties at the various places are not simply a language one, that would be easy to negotiate, it’s more of an IQ thing and most of these ones have single digit IQs it would seem. Not all are like this, just most, and again, those who have been to India will be nodding in agreement right now.

 

Southern most tip of India, Kanyakumari (loosely translated as...Piss and Shit and Filth !!!)

Just how many people can you squeeze onto a bus ?? 

Hundreds upon hundreds of buses, all shapes and sizes, come through Kanykumari every day. Buses that are probably meant to take say 40 people seem to have 80 or more.

This is typical of the "go anywhere" toilet mentality. Not a photo I necessarily like to show but this is what it's like here, pretty much everywhere. 

Just have a goat outside your shop, why not ?

Reminds me of an old saying I like "If something gets on your goat, hide your goat"

A little urchin child. I think maybe one year old, just walking along the road on his own. Mother maybe nearby, who knows ? I couldn't see anyone obvious.

The whole place is a toilet so all the more odd when you see signs up saying "Free Toilet". Then there are others where you have to pay. I never seeing anyone using either. 

 

The waterfront, Catholic cathedral in the background (Christianity has a big history down here) All the little fishing boats, very humble, all very run down. This was tsunami country several years back, though there is very little evidence of any damage, but then here that doesn't seem to mean much as the place is just so run down, the people extremely poor.

The usual crowded street. Many of these streets don't seem to have vehicles.

One of the few areas on the waterfront where they don't poop, the place they bathe.

The sugar cane drinks. They squeeze the cane through a machine and just add water. This is definitely not something I would try unless I wanted to get extremely ill.

Ice cream vendors everywhere, again not something I would be game to consume. The Indians seem to love their ice cream and then of course as soon as they are finished the rubbish goes immediately on the ground. I have seen only one rubbish bin here and it was empty, what are the chances ??

I love all these little vendors, the guys with their business on their bikes.

 

So here's a bit of the waterfront and between the road and the water is the most disgusting thing you might ever see. The general rubbish is one thing, the piss and shit is another. A few times I have walked down through some of it to get to a particular part of the beach and found myself dry retching violently. Now I know some of you don't really want to know about this sort of thing but this is life in India to one degree or other.

Kovalam Beach, Kerala, India

This is one of the inspirational lifeguards on Kovalam Beach. They are very good at blowing their whistles at anyone who goes deeper than knee deep but I would not like to see one trying to save anyone that's for sure.